THE HONEST CRITIC - A SHORT STORY. (Read time: 6 mins.)

It is quite interesting when a professional gets challenged by an amateur at something.

Thats what happened with David and Shanthi.  Shanthi only started cooking a year ago, but David was pissed off to hear through their common friends that she had been telling everyone that she was a better cook than he was.  He was a professional cook for Christ's sake!

But the truth was, he secretly liked her food.  He was too proud to admit it.  And then one day, she said something out of the blue that made him cringe.
"Why don't we see who is better once and for all?"

"And how are we going to do that?" he said with an awkward smile.

"I know the perfect judge.  A honest critic." she said with a twinkle in her eye.

David agreed to it.  Actually, she didn't give him a choice.  She taunted him till he accepted it.

The judge was someone they both knew very well.  To keep it as unbiased as possible, they decided that they wont tell him that he was being a judge.  They were simply going to casually make him say which of their dishes he liked better without him realizing he was making a very important decision.

They decided they would each prepare something simple.  Something they were good at.  This critic had a sweet tooth, so they decided they would each make a sweet dish.

On Judgement Day, David told Shanthi that he would make his dish, which he decided was going to be vermicelli kheer (pudding), at the hotel where he worked and bring it over.  But she didn't feel it was right.  For all she knew, he could get one of his colleagues to make it for him or cheat in some other manner.  So, she made the stipulation that they were both going to cook their respective dishes right there in her kitchen.

A disgruntled David bought the ingredients for his kheer, and they both started off.  Shanthi had started mixing the flour, eggs, and coconut for what she thought was what she made best:  Coconut cookies.

David kept complaining about how uncomfortable it was for him to cook in her kitchen.  He said he was used to his hotel's kitchen and found her kitchen interfering with his "flow."  Secretly, he was worried.  He was worried that the critic might like the cookie more than his kheer.  What a shame that would be!  Hell, he made the kheer everyday at his hotel.  He was supposed to be good at it.  He couldn't afford to lose.  Imagine her boasting this to their friends!

Things didn't go smooth with both cooking in the same kitchen.  David was almost done and the only thing left was for the kheer to be slowly cooked for sometime on the stove.  He went to check his phone, which he had left in the living room for charging, and when he came back, he found the kheer spurting over.  He ran to it and found that the stove's heat was set at high. No, it wasn't a mistake!  He didn't accidently set it high.  He never made such mistakes!  He frowned at Shanthi from the corner of his eye.  She ignored him and continued with her preparation, all the while humming a tune.  David decided not to say anything.  He was going to wait for his opportunity.  He was going to wait till she left the kitchen for something, and then he will have his revenge.  Shanthi, who sensed this, never left the kitchen.

All of a sudden, they heard the doorbell ring.  At first, David and Shanthi looked at each other.
"I think he's here already!" she said.

David nodded, and they both walked towards the door.  David mimed following her, but quickly dropped back and turned the timer on the oven, where her cookies were being cooked, up.  Then quickly caught up with her.

She opened the door, and a boy, about 6 years old, wearing a school uniform, pushed himself in.  He threw his bag on the sofa, grabbed hold of the TV remote, and started watching TV.

David and Shanthi slowly walked over to him.
"Buddy, we got a special birthday treat for you!!" said David.

The boy jumped up excited.  Shanthi guided him to the kitchen and made him sit in front of the kitchen table.

David quickly poured out some of his kheer into a bowl.  It seemed a bit overcooked and slimy.  He felt like forfeiting the challenge right then and there, but forced a smile and set the bowl of kheer in front of his son.

Shanthi opened the oven to find that the cookies were slightly burnt.  She went red in her face with anger when she realised what had happened, but she too managed to put on a smile and selected few of the cookies which she felt were not too burnt and placed it in front of her son.

The boy looked a bit confused at the dishes.  This wasn't his idea of a “birthday surprise.”  After waiting for a few more seconds and realising that this was all there was of his "birthday surprise", he went ahead and picked up a cookie when David quickly said,
"Daddy made the best kheer in the entire world for you!!  Dont forget, after this, I am going to take you to Domina's Pizza and you can have all the pizza you want!"

"Coool!" he exclaimed beaming and unconciously putting the cookie back down on the plate.

"Yes!  All you have to do is tell which one is better!  Those cookies or this kheer that daddy made for you with a lot of love!" David said pushing the bowl of kheer closer to his son.

The boy looked all excited and was about to grab a spoonful of the kheer when his mom interrupted,
"Hey, remember, how you keep saying about that amusement park?!"

"Wonderland??" the boy exclaimed with a look of shock on his face.

"Yes! Well, guess what! I am going to take you there this weekend!”

“WOOOOAH!!” he exclaimed.

“All you have to do is to tell us if you liked the cookies better than the kheer!" she said putting the stress on the word "cookies".

David scowled at Shanthi for a moment.  Shanthi scowled back.

The boy suddenly looked confused.  He took turns to look at both the dishes.  Then finally slurped a spoonful of the sugary delicious kheer.  Then, he spent a few seconds frowing at a random spot on the table.  He had the look of a food critic seriously considering what he had just tasted.  Then he went ahead, grabbed a cookie, and took a bite of it.  Again, the same look of consideration followed.  David and Shanthi looked at him and then at each other with blank faces.

There was something wrong.  May be they both screwed up.  The kheer must be overcooked and the cookies burnt.

The boy was about to take another bite of the cookie, but then a look of confusion came over his face.  He moved the cookie towards the kheer and stopped.  A look of uncertainity on his face.  After a moment's consideration, he dipped the cookie in the kheer, took a bite of it, and his face lit up with a big smile.  As David and Shanthi watched speechless, he continued to eat the cookies dipping them in the kheer until he finished all the cookies that Shanthi had given him.

"Can I have more!??" he exclaimed.

"Thats enough buddy.  Thats enough sugar for right now.  You can have more later." said David sounding a bit stern.

The boy geniunely looked dissapointed.  Then suddenly looked excited and said,
"Then lets go to Dominooos!"

"Yes buddy. Go get changed." David said with an awkward smile.  The boy hugged them both, and before running to his room, turned to his mom and said,
"Mom! Can't wait to go to Wonderland!!"

Shanthi smiled and kissed him on his head.  The boy then ran to his room.

A few minutes of awkward silence followed.  Finally, David took a cookie out from the oven, dipped it in the kheer, and took a bite.  Shanthi followed suite.  Both sat down before the table nibbling on the kheer soaked cookies in complete silence except for the munching noises.  Finally, David put away the cookie he was eating and turned to Shanthi and said,
“Do you get the feeling our son just outsmarted us?”

*****

- Rejo John

Our Facebook Page!

Abandoned. A Twisted Short Story.

Tony woke up with a start. It was dark and he found himself lying in an awkward position. It took him a few moments to remember that he was in the backseat of a car. He had been sleeping as it was his friend's turn to drive. But, right then, there was no sign of his friend, David.

Tony peered out of the window. From the dim light from a far away streetlight, he could make out that the car stood by the side of a muddy road. The road was deserted and it was very quiet.

He looked over to the other side and saw a couple of shops far away.

“Where the hell is he?!” grumbled Tony regarding his friend as he sat up and massaged his cramped up neck. His eyes fell on the ignition and noticed that the key was still in it. He also noticed that the right front door was open. Right then, he could picture in his head someone mercilessly pulling David out of the car. Tony felt his heart start to beat faster.

The bag!

He lunged himself over the front seats and started to feel under the seats. It wasn't there. The bag with the cash wasn't there!

It all came back to him. Earlier that evening, they suspected that a car was following them. But then they thought that they were just being paranoid. But now it seems it 'must' have been 'them.' They must have been following their car until they felt they were in a safe deserted place to make a move. A place like the one he was at then.

May be the only reason Tony was still alive must be because David didn't tell them that he was asleep in the backseat. “Bless him.” Tony whispered.

But what about David? Did they kill him!? Tony began to panic. May be they beat him up and left him for dead. May be he is gravely injured and lying somewhere close-by hoping that Tony will wake up soon, find him, and take him to a damn hospital!

Tony quickly jumped out of the car. He began looking around for any dark patches on the ground that might be blood. May be it will lead him to where David was. The dim light was making his search difficult, but he persisted. After several minutes of searching, he couldn't find any traces of blood, and he gave up. May be David escaped before they could catch him!

Tony pulled out his cellphone to try and call David, but the phone displayed that there was no network available. He felt frustrated.

The shops! May be they have a pay phone.

He quickly made his way toward the shops. All he wanted was to hear that David was safe. He didn't even care about the money anymore.

His hands had started to shiver and he felt severely short of breath. He must be having another one of his panic attacks.

Getting closer, he noticed 3 shops. The one on the extreme left was a supermarket. The others looked like restaurants or coffee shops; he wasn't sure. He noticed few people standing outside one of those shops and smoking. For all he knew, one of these men might have killed David and taken the bag.

Tony slowly put his hand in his jeans pocket to make sure he had his knife with him. It was his only protection.

Finding a payphone in front of the supermarket, he fished for a coin in his pocket, and upon finding one, struggled with his shivering hand to slip it into the slit. But then he realized there was no tone. The phone was broken. He slammed the phone, cursing. He noticed another phone in front of the shop next to the supermarket. He began to walk towards it. And that's when it happened.

Between the 2 stores was a dark alley. As he passed by, he heard some noise coming from the alley. He stopped and squinted into the dark space. Was it a severely beaten-up David trying to call out for help? Tony stood still, carefully listening. He cursed himself for forgetting to bring his prescription glasses along with him. May be he could have seen better. Suddenly, he heard another noise.

“David, is that you?” Tony said finally.

More noises.

Tony began to slowly walk into the alley. Darkness engulfing him.

“Speak up, man!” he tried again.

He heard what sounded like something tiny scurrying away.

Tony took out his phone and tried to look around with its dimly lit screen. All he saw was a lot of garbage and nothing that looked like an injured, helpless David.

He cursed again and turned around to leave, and that’s when he saw someone walk into the alley towards him. May be it was the shadow on the man's face and the dim light behind him, but the man seemed frighteningly huge. He had on what looked like a huge leather jacket. The man stopped a few feet away from Tony. Tony found that his panic had hit sky high and he found himself rigid and unable to move. His heart thumped against his ribs. He stared at the man and slowly willed his hand into his pocket grabbing hold of the knife. The man followed suite and put his hand into his pocket too. And the next second, almost as if by instinct, Tony lunged forward at the man and stabbed him in the stomach. Both of them fell to the ground. The huge man immediately went limp upon hitting the floor losing his consciousness. Tony noticed that something fell out of the man's pocket. His eyes had adjusted to the dim light by then and he could make out that it was a fucking lighter. Almost in sync, he heard the faint noise of his car's engine firing up far away. He quickly crawled to the edge of the alley and saw that his car's headlights were on. Someone was for sure in the car and was about to drive away. His only way out of there.

Feeling even more panicky, Tony took to his heels. He almost hit another leather jacket wearing guy who was walking out of one of the shops. Tony instinctively buckled avoiding an imaginary punch from the guy, but all that the guy did was to look irritated and shout,

“Watch it!! What's wrong with you!?”

Tony heard more noises around him and looking around realized that there were a whole bunch of leather jacket wearing guys who had just walked out of the shop beside the supermarket. He saw them head to their bikes on the other side of the supermarket. They were probably bikers who had stopped for dinner.

Tony turned around and ran as fast as he can towards the car.

As he reached close to the car, that someone in the car opened the door. But Tony hesitated to get in. The car's interior light was busted, and he couldn't see who it was that was in the car. As Tony stood confused, David's voice came from inside,

“Dude, what the hell are you doing outside? I thought you were back here sleeping!”

Feeling a wave of relief, Tony quickly got into the car beside him.

“Where the fuck were you???!! I thought they killed you!”

“Com'on dude, we are like 1000 km away from there. They are never going to find us. I went to get us some dinner.”

Tony breathed a sign of relief. He tried to hold his breath hoping that his breathing would slow down. Then remembering about the bag asked,

“Where's the money!???”

“Under the back seat. Needed some leg space when I stopped to smoke, so I put it under the back seat” said David.

Tony checked under the back seat and sure enough the bag was there.

David looked at Tony concerned. Tony was sweating profusely and continued to be short of breath.

“I think you are having a panic attack. Here, have a sip of this.” David said handing Tony a bottle of water.

Just then, their attention was diverted by the loud commotion from the bikers in front of the supermarket. They must have just found out that their friend had been stabbed.

“Start the car and drive!” Tony shouted.

“What happened? What did you do??” David said sounding frightened.

“There's no time to explain! Just start the fucking car!!”

**

- Rejo John

OUR FACEBOOK PAGE!!


You might also like:

The Boy Without A Dream.

Kiran waved at his friend who peddled away on his cycle towards the cricket ground.  He was headed to the usual after-the-school cricket match that was held everyday.

 






Kiran walked in the other direction.  As fast as he can.  Towards the hotel.
 
As Kiran hurried into the hotel, the owner standing behind the counter frowned at him.  Then turned to look at the clock on the wall.  He was late by 5 minutes.  Kiran looked away from him.  Afraid.  And ran into the kitchen.

He put his bag down in a corner.  Picked up a rag and a huge plate.  And rushed out to collect the plates and wipe the tables clean.
 
That was his job.
 

He stood there.  Quietly watching the people eat.  Watching their plates.  To see if they were done eating.








The hotel closed at 9 p.m. everyday.  Thats when Kiran usually left for home.  But on that day, something happened.

A girl came in and ordered lunch.  She looked young.  Possibly in her early 20s.  Kiran had never seen her before there.  But he sensed her watching him as he went about his work duties.

After she was done eating, Kiran went over to pick up her plate.  But she grabbed his hand and dragged him over to the owner.



"He shouldn't be here wiping tables! He should be at school!" she declared.
 
The owner looked at them confused for a moment.  Then added,
"He already does, ma'am.  He just came back from school."
 
"This is child labor!  I am going to write an article about this in my newspaper.  I am going to make sure they take some kind of an action against you!" she said starting to sound more irritated.
 
"Ma'am, please dont do anything of that sort. I will send him away right now!" he said with a nervous smile.  Then turned to Kiran and said with a funny look on his face,
 
“You go into the kitchen and wait there. I will come meet you, okay?”
 
“No funny stuff.  I am going to send my friends over from time to time to check.” she said.
 
“Alright! I am going to send him away!” the owner snapped.
The girl had a victorious smile on her face, then walked back to her table.
 
The owner thought for a minute.  Then with a heavy breath and an irritated glance at the girl, who sat frowning at him, took out some cash from the counter and handed it to Kiran saying,
“Give this to your mother.”
 
Kiran took the money and stood there looking confused.
 

"Go before you get me into trouble!" the owner urgently whispered.







Kiran went into the kitchen, grabbed his school bag and ran to his home.

At home, his mother, who had been sick for a few months now, laid on the bed.

"Why are you back so early?" she said.  Kiran told her about the lady and what had happened.  She thought for sometime and said,
"Its okay.  I think I can go to work from tomorrow.  I am feeling a bit better now.  Your exams are a few months away, so you better concentrate on your studies."
 

Kiran washed his clothes.  He had spilled some curry on his shirt, and he needed it to be clean to wear it to school the next day.  This was the only other pair of clothes he had other than the one he wore at home.  Both were about a couple of years old and hardly fit him anymore.


Luckily, his school didn't insist on a uniform.  He couldn't afford one.
 
It was his daily routine to wash his better pair of clothes after work so that he can wear them to school the next day.
 
After sometime, his father came home.  Drunk and reeking of alcohol.  He saw Kiran sitting at a corner of their one-room house and shouted,
"You lost your job, didn't it? You are good for nothing!"
 

"Its not his fault" his mother put in.
 
"Why are you supporting him?" his father shouted shoving his mother to the ground.
 
"Where is the money he got!?" he shouted at her.  She refused to give it to him, and he started physically abusing her.  Before long, she gave in, and he disappeared with the money.
 
His mother sat on the bed crying.  Kiran lied down with his head on her lap and went to sleep.

The next day, after school, Kiran went with his friend to the cricket ground.  Its been a long time since he had last played cricket, and he didn't want to join in, but his friend insisted because they were less by one person to make a team.
After everyone on his team was out, his friend had no option but to let Kiran bat.

And surprisingly, Kiran was a good batsman and helped his team win.  His friend, the team's captain, was the most happiest person in the world.  He hugged Kiran saying,

"Dude, you are awesome! You should come with us to play everyday!"
 
His friend offered to drop him to his home on his cycle.  As they cycled, his friend kept telling him about his dream to play for India someday.  His friend asked Kiran what he would want to do when he grew up.  Kiran didn't know what to say.  He had never thought about it.



After his friend dropped him near his house, Kiran walked in and found his mother limp on the bed.  He tried waking her up, and when she didn't, he ran to one of her friends, a lady who worked as a tailor at a shop close by.

For the next few days after the funeral, Kiran stayed with his mother's friend.  He never heard from his father.  His mother's friend said she saw him walking out of a bar.

After a few days, Kiran said he wanted to go home.  The lady packed some food for him and also gave him a package.

"You mother had ordered this for you before she....." she trailed off.
 
Kiran peaked into the package and realized that it was a new pair of clothes.  He walked home.  Carefully holding the package under his arm.
 
There was nobody at home.  He put on the dress and felt something strange.  A sense of pride.
 
He walked over to the local market.  His head held high.  He walked amidst the busy crowd of buyers and sellers.  Unlike the other times when he would see parents with their kids shopping and he would feel inferior in his dirty, old, ill-fitted clothes, he now felt he was one among them.
 
After sometime, he went over to a local park and sat on a concrete bench watching people go about their evening strolls.
 

When it started to get dark, he started walking back home.  He found his father lying on the bed, drunk.

"Oh good, you are back." he said finally sitting up.  His words slurring. "I was worried about food. Make some rice, will you?!"
 
Kiran blurted out that he didn't know how to cook.

"Well, its not that hard! Come here, I will show you." his father said standing up gingerly and walking into the tiny dark kitchen.
 

He directed Kiran to wash the rice, then told him to light up the dry wood.  After sometime, Kiran realized that they would need more wood to burn.  He pointed the same out to his father and said he will go get some, but his father shouted,
 
"No!  You wait here and watch the rice.  I will go get something."
 
He gingerly walked away, then came back a few minutes later with some papers.  Kiran took it and just when he was about to throw them into the fire recognized them as the pages from his school books.
 

"Dont worry about it.  You dont have to go to school from tomorrow.  Its such a waste of time.  I have talked to a guy I know.  He said he needs a boy to help him at his shop.  I will take you there tomorrow morning." he said continuing to tear up pages from his school books and handing them over to him.

Kiran sat back down.  He felt defeated and helpless.  He fed the papers to the burning stove.  As he sat there, a piece of burning paper fell onto his shirt.  He quickly brushed it away, but it left a hole in his new shirt.

- Rejo John.




Our Facebook Page!!